The Vent Thread

[habu]

<sup>oh my god i feel awful

i will never

ever

be good enough

im okay at art

okay

thats it

im good at writing

but almost no one notices or cares or cares to show they might agree most people dont even know i do write

why the fuck do i even try there are so many people out there better and more popular and this includes most of my friends

i just want to be recognized but

i never will be</sup>

[haley.]

OH MY SHIT SKYLAR
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I KNOW. I KNOW, YOU'RE JUST SO FUCKING SAD. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU. I GET IT.

yet here you stand, on the internet, with a fuckton of people just WAITING for the chance to crawl up your ass. how. HOW THE FUCK DID I EVER LIKE YOU. You think you are so ENTITLED to happiness and love anarjhsrjklserjkser i didn't SAY you weren't working for it, dipshit, i'm saying, thats how it fucking goes

if you want actual, real happiness, you make it yourself.
don't tell me you have mental disease, or you need pills to help you make it.
no
fuck you
shut the fuck up
that is not how it goes
you get the FUCK off the internet, and you MAKE YOUR SELF HAPPY.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE A SHIT FAMILY. I GET THAT. YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH IT
oh but you just love when anons come up in your ask and hurt your iddle bby feelings so your mounds of followers can come up and white knight you

YOU ARE SUCCH
A FUCKING
PUSSY

[habu]

<sup>i havent been here in such a long time

i just
why did this have to happen
i dont want to like her like that she is one of my best friends
why couldnt she just stay single so i wouldnt fucking KNOW i like her this way and i could just GROW OUT OF IT
i cant even see her right now without wanting to throw up because i know she will never like me back and i am too scared to try for a relationship anyway and shes fucking taken and when the shit did that happen

this is going to ruin our friendship i dont want to lose this with her please i just

she means so much to me

i dont want to like her i dont want to like her i just want things to go back to normal

i wish i never knew i wish she never told me

why the hell did i have to ask

god i just
please take these feelings away i have enough problems as it is</sup>

[habu]

<sup>i love and i hate this song

it reminds me so much of my grandpa

i remember when he used to call me and he was the only relative i can honestly say i enjoyed talking to on the phone

it was never strained or anything i was always really happy that he felt so interested in my life

he was the only grandparent i ever did real grandparent things with and i loved him so much and i miss him so much and it's been like a year now but it still hurts a lot and wow anyway so this song (blood by the middle east) it's like his life but in music form or something, sort of

i dunno i always think about how when he died i was just upstairs in my uncle's house too freaked out to see him and when i tried to talk to him before he passed he was hooked up to those breathing machines and i was so afraid and sad and i dont even think he heard me i just sort of whispered something to him and fled and i just

i wish he couldve gone out with less suffering and i wish more than anything i could have hugged him goodbye for real or something i wish i'd done SOMETHING more to comfort him i dunno

i dont blame him at all, but ive just been weirdly slow at getting through the grieving and it's sporadic and stupid and in other news im still not over sarah and i hate her so much but i wish she'd say she's sorry maybe we'd be friends but i just need to know she cares

but the sad thing is i know she doesn't, otherwise she would have said SOMETHING and i don't want to be the weaker one here and say i'm sorry first, i don't even know if i want to be her friend again because of how badly she hurt me

im just really bad at having friends lately thank god for jade

i just want my emotions to fucking disappear until they can be positive again though

my life is like a fart</sup>

[habu]

its like
man im just not good at keeping friends
i know its me, its my own damn problem. whenever i get too close to somebody i act.... weird, i guess. i really hope whats going on right now isnt me falling for somebody again. because that somebody would definitely not be interested in the slightest.
i wish i just had a boyfriend or girlfriend or something already
i hate being alone
i hate feeling so alone too
jade, i love you, and if you're reading this, you are my world
but there are some things i don't feel like i can tell anyone
i wish i had someone who i still felt like i could tell these things to
i dont think its about finding the right person, though, i think it's me. i've gotten to a point where nobody really understands the shit that goes on in my head, not even me.
i dont doubt i have a few mental problems. coming from MY FAMILY its almost a fucking given. or maybe im the only sane one so i feel like im crazy sometimes. who knows. i certainly dont.
im very sick of my dad though.
very very sick of him. he cannot make friends because he is so repugnant to other adults, and the ones who can stand him are so much like him that HE doesnt want to be around THEM. what a fucking hypocrite. i am his only friend and i am sick of having that role. dad, im your daughter. your DAUGHTER. please treat me like that instead of a confidante, a therapist, a humanoid stress ball or worry doll. i am none of those things. i dont want to be any of those things. i'm not something for you to shape.
if you'd just trust me enough to let me forge my own path, maybe i wouldn't fuck up all the time. maybe i'd actually do something great if you'd just stop forcing yourself and your opinions on me at every turn.
i love you dad.
but please
back off

[habu]

<sup>i dont want to go through this again

i dont think i like her??? i really fucking hope i dont

but its like if i do like her am i really going to sit back and wait for her to find someone else and crush me in the process??

if i just like her as a friend will my own paranoaia tear apart our friendship?

WHY

DO I ALWAYS RUIN THESE THINGS FOR MYSELF?

why doesn't anyone ever fucking STOP ME?

why can't i let myself get close to anyone without pushing them away

why is it every time i think i find a kindred spirit they just don't care about me the way i care about them

im so sick of putting out all my energy and affection and just getting spat on

they don't care

fucking hell

maybe i should just cut her off now

save us both the trouble</sup>

[jadedcobrah]

oops i did it again
i fucked up majorly
time to suffer the consequences of my actions
and my inability to cope with my own emotions