The Vent Thread

[dizz ✖]

HAHAHAHAHA.
could you please stop being such a lying, two-faced, back-stabbing DOUCHE BAG?
seriously. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND. and stop breaking so many promises. STOP IT.
do you think i'm stupid? you thought i would forget, didn't you? well i didn't. I NEVER DO.

[haley.]

WOW
you guys do not FUCKING understand anything

Not to sound cliche, but you don't know what it's like... well, to be where I am. THINGS ARE FUCKING HARD, THEY ARE STRESSFUL. AND WHEN ALL THAT STRESS COMES PILING DOWN, I GET LIKE THIS. HIGH BLOOD SUGARS, STOMACH ACHES, DIZZYNESS, ALL OF THAT.
Why on EARTH would you think that I don't want you happy? THAT I WOULD USE YOU? Do you really think that LOWLY of me?
I try really fucking hard to make all of you happy. I HAVE A LONG, FUCKING, LIST of people who I have to make happy, of people who DEPEND on me and NEED me.
so don't fucking judge me like that...
...When you don't understand any of it.

[dizz ✖]

sometimes i really wish i wasn't so stupid.
sometimes i really wish i didn't screw everything up when it was all going fine.
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.

[haley.]

This is not me being possesive.
This is you being obsessive.

The First Time, you had trouble with them, and if you remember, I was the one who showed you that damned RP. But I stopped, because I thought you weren't even using it. But apparently you were, and the next thing I know, you start coming to me, telling me they're excluding you, which makes me feel a little... I don't know, odd, in the first place, but I give you advice. I tell you they are their own group and because people keep coming into the RP, trying to get into that circle, trying to be their friend, and FAILING, they feel superior. Trust me, they felt superior.

Then it happened again. And I was a little mad, because we had already had this talk, and I hate it when you don't listen to me, because no one you will ever meet is going to really think on your problems and try to figure out how to fix them like I do. I told you the same thing. You got upset, because it wasn't fair, and it wasn't, and it still isn't, and nothing is ever, was ever, will ever be fair.

But, you have me, I told you.
Yes, you said. I have you.

So then you quit. I'm sorry, you quit TWICE, you tell me your done with all of it, and I say, that's good. I'm sorry they hurt you like that. Oh wait, nevermind, because you were STILL keeping contact with them, trying to worm your way into that tight group of friends.

So you come to me AGAIN with the 'They're ignoring, I thought they were my friends.'

You know what, Maybe they ARE your friends. Maybe they DO care. OK, I know they care, but maybe they just DO NOT VALUE YOU LIKE YOU VALUE THEM.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY'RE SO GREAT, ANYWAY? Yeah, they're nice, they have good art, they're funny, but REALLY? This isn't about 'deviantArt friends.' This isn't about, 'who you're message more,' or 'who you chat to on MSN more.'

It's about the fact that you keep coming to me telling me you're unloved. That you're ignored.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I don't care if I guilt trip you at this point, this is how it is.
You, Camila Moyano Vicari, NOT MOLII. NOT FUCKING MISSMOLII. CAMILA. You are my best friend. Not on the internet, not on dA, just - in general. You are my best friend. I'd do anything for you. I attempt to make you happy every single day. I know you want subscriptions, so I asked Ariel to get you one early since I couldn't affored it, and really, I still can't afford it, but I keep getting you one. When I get into an anime, I give it to you. When I can, I give you anything you want.

I don't ask for much in return. I just ask that you not come to me, after I've given you SO FUCKING MUCH, THAT I CANNOT GIVE ANYMORE to tell me you are lonely, ignored, and that no one loves you.

[haley.]

BRB
FREAKING OUT OVER NOTHING

[✠Kim✝]

Sometimes I really hate myself.
I slowly rise out of depression then quickly fall back into it.
I am so disgusted with myself.

[dizz ✖]

I think I'll just... stop trying. Stop until you want me to start again.
Because obviously it's not helping. Obviously I don't mean anything.
If I did, you'd stop. Stop and listen and realize I'm right.
I don't know why you do that. You shouldn't.
Because when you're sad, I'm sad. When you're happy, I'm happy.
When you do that... it makes me feel like a horrible person who can't help at all.

I don't like these feelings.

[haley.]

i am so sorry i tie you down.
i'm terrible...

[dizz ✖]

HYPOCRITE.

stop making people feel bad when it's not their fault.

and stop flattering yourself.

[✠Kim✝]

Leah, please don't hurt yourself.
^{Please don't.}

[haley.]

me me me me me me i don't feel good me me me me me me pay attention to me me me me me me wah wah wah me me me...






where did my self-worth go?

+ + +

I CANNOT GO IN THERE
...I'M TOO SCARED

I keep venting about the same old thing and I am so unchanging and terrible and you keep trying to cheer me up but it's not going to work because I am too much of a NEEDY, SELFISH, SPOILED BRAT.

one day i'll gather up the courage to disappear.

+ + +

you know, for how happy they seem to make you, I hope they do something that breaks your heart. I really do. I hope they tear you up.

then we'll see who's not needed.

i can't believe i really mean that.

[__molii ★]

SON

I AM

DISAPPOINT

[habu]

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAH


I KNOW, DAD, I KNOW.

You love me.

but every time it happens, you surely think

"Why can't my daughter be NORMAL?"

[dizz ✖]

One day you're going to crack. I just know it. You're going to crack, burst, explode, something, but it'll happen.
I can tell because I already see a little rip in the page. A rip I keep putting more and more tape on, but it ends up ripping again.

And you know what else I noticed?
People always come bitch and complain at me, and I listen. I give long, detailed advice and I listen. But when I wanna bitch or complain at some one all I get is an "Oh, I'm sorry" or "That's too bad" or some crap like that. WHEN I GIVE MY SOUL INTO TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE WHEN THEY BITCH/COMPLAIN AT ME.

I'll probably regret posting this.
My head hurts. I have to go to school.

[haley.]

You have a habit to obsess, don't you?

Wanna pretend you aren't the center of the universe for about five seconds, sweetheart?