The Vent Thread

[✠Kim✝]

NO
I do NOT want to go to the City.
I hate the City, I hate crowded places, I hate trains, I hate the people in the City, the City scares me.
And yet, you're forcing me to go.
THIS IS A REASON WHY I'M NOT HAPPY AND DONT FUCKING SMILE.
I am forced to do things that I don't like and scare me.
|:C
This is also why I hate New York.

[habu]

DAD.

<sup>You just don't get it. Just when I'm at the point where I am going to snap, when I've been

doing my very best and pushing myself so god damned hard you tell me to do it some more. I

just need a little bit of sympathy, maybe an oppurtunity to relax but you won't even offer

me that. By telling me, no...forcing me in an indirect way to fake how I feel you are

unknowingly making it so much worse.</sup>

[haley.]

You know you guys, I am trying.
I understand you're a pair, you're best friends, but I'd like a little
ENCOURAGEMENT
every now and again, too, you know.




you make it out to be like i'm not trying AT ALL and that i don't care about you
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, OK? I GET NERVOUS AROUND YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. . .
It's not my fault, OK? I'm trying, I'm clinging onto everything, I'm making an effort...



I'm So Lonely.

[haley.]

A-AND STOP WORRYING ME!
I can't make things perfect for you... I mean, I understand that you've got things bad, but... but so do I, you know? I'm not saying I Love You to feel nice, I'm not saying it because I think, "I'm such a nice person," Or-- Or something like that, Goddammit, Il ove you.

I don't know
I don't know
I Don't Know
I DON'T KNOW
I DON'T KNOW

[✠Kim✝]

Today,
I wanted to talk to people and be happy.
That was my whole aim for today.
but no
I had to be a stupid little emo bitch and screw everything up.
Again.
I can't do anything right no matter how hard I try.
What is wrong with me.


_{I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I don't mean to do this.}

[dizz ✖]

^{you know, i really really really am trying. trying to balance it all out. trying to be perfect.
i'm doing this for her, and that for you, but it's like i'm walking on thin ice.
i do one little thing and you freak out, i do another little thing and she gets sad.
i can't control everything all at once.
i'm sorry.}

[/sup]

[haley.]

I wish I wasn't so moody.
I wish every little thing didn't set me off, but good God, it does.
Whatever, I'll just become a social recluse or something.

[dizz ✖]

hahahahaha.
FUCK YOU. fuck you. FUCK YOU.
fuck both of you.
YOU, ohmygod, how the hell could you just FORGET like that? i swear to god... YOU BREAK YOUR PROMISES SO GODDAMN MUCH. you think you could just brush it off? well you can't. I NEVER FORGET.

and YOU, that fucking hurts. lying to me like that. you could've told me you changed your mind but no, you lie.
and you choose her over me? you know, that really doesn't help my self-esteem. makes me feel like i'm failing, like i'm not good enough, like you'll leave me. which you probably will.

^{shut up, i know i'm exaggerating.}

[✠Kim✝]

Oh m-my god.
Last night and today was just terrible.
Last night:
My aunt calls us.
My uncle, he's drunk.
He pukes all over his house.
His daughter is screaming and crying her heart out.
My aunt is terrified.
My cousin and aunt come to my house.
Then my uncle shows up and starts with everyone.

Today:
I get into an argument with someone I love.
I feel ignored.
No ones online so I feel lonely.
My cat has a seizure.
My mom comes home.
My mom was with her friend- both were drunk.
I look out the window- the cops are there.
I hear screaming and yelling. My mom is fighting with the cop.
She finally comes inside, but she starts with my grandpa.

What the hell. |:c
I kinda sorta want to bawl my eyes out.
And yes these are kinda sorta why I've been in an emoish mood. ||||||||||:C

[haley.]

...
...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

I AM NOT DEPRESSED, I AM JUST A GENERALLY ANGRY PERSON. I HAVE SPENT YEARS TRYING TO GET MY TEMPER AND VIOLENT PERSONALITY IN CHECK. I HAVE SPENT YEARS TRYING TO MORPH INTO A BETTER PERSON, I HAVE SPENT MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE TRYING TO COMPROMISE AND FIND A GOOD SOLUTION WHEN THE PEOPLE AROUND ME DON'T EVEN TRY.

I am not depressed. I am not a negative person. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO NOT BE A NEGATIVE PERSON? FOR ME? IN TODAY'S SOCIETY? Almost EVERYONE I know is NEGATIVE and all they want is ATTENTION and someone to WALK ALL OVER and someone to HELP THEM - people come to me with the same damn problem constantly. "My life is just generally depressing! I'm lonely! My family has high standards!" and I have learned that they don't want a real solution. No, that's not it at all. They just want someone to fucking talk about them. I realized this like LAST WEEK. I realized something. I looked around and realized that I knew EVERYONE'S PROBLEMS. I knew how they reacted to problems, to drama, to anything. I knew everything about everyone and no one knew shit about me.

I mean, I try so hard to be someone to look up to, someone that you can look to in a bad situation and talk to, and come back with something to work with. I can only give you guys something to work with. I cannot solve your problems for you; i am not your personal medication. It's HARD giving EVERYONE the same amount of attention.

What is so wrong with me being selfish for ONCE IN MY LIFE? I have problems, too. I wanna go back to school and I CAN'T. I wanna tell someone how I feel about them and I CAN'T. I wanna be able to lean back and say how I feel without someone bitching about their opinions or want they want or how i hurt their damn feelings - I've got news for you all, the world doesn't give a SHIT about your goddamn feelings. But I do my damnedest to care, and what I get in return is more STRESS STRESS STRESS

I'm really TIRED of stress. If you guys feel bad, GET A GODDAMN STRESS BALL. GET A PUNCHING BAG. DRAW. WRITE. GET A FUCKING THERAPIST. I say 'you can tell me' when you guys have problems, because some RETARDED part in my brain is still convinced that by talking, IT WILL GET BETTER, and IT NEVER. EVER. DOES. I can name like, TWO PEOPLE in the WHOLE WORLD who actually come to me for advice not being so selfish as to just focus on themselves. When I go for advice, there is, of course, a moment of selfishness, because confessing what's inside comes with raw emotion. Spiteful stuff. But afterward, I talk about how to COMPROMISE. Not how to get everything my way.

I just-- Jesus Christ, I'M NOT SAYING I'M NOT SELFISH. PEOPLE are selfish, there is no one on this EARTH that isn't, but I'm at least TRYING. If you're feeling bad, and you wanna get it out, AND YOU DAMN WELL IT WILL UPSET SOMEONE, THEN DON'T FUCKING TELL THEM. AND THAT INCLUDES 'HINTING.' All my friends do shit that UPSET me ALL. THE. TIME and I don't HINT and I don't say a WORD

AND JUST GOOD FUCKING GOD
I HATE HAVING TO HOLD IN MY ANGER
FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT AAAAAAA FUCK YOU

I'M NOT PERFECT, SOCIETY. SO FUCK YOU.

...
...ok i'm done.

[habu]

Why, why, WHY DO I GET SO FUCKING EMOTIONAL OVER MOVIES?


<sup>I...

oh god I wish...


I wish I could say this here but I can't. It's not bad, I just can't. Because of course you'd either laugh or sympathize, but nobody understands.</sup>

[haley.]

NO
NO NO NO NO
WHAT?
NO!

[/b]

I AM ALL FOR FC'S AND OC'S AND SELF-INSERTS AND WHATEVER FUCKING ELSE YOU HAVE IN YOUR GALLERY. BUT YOU GET YOUR FUCKING MARY SUE OUT OF THE GURREN LAGANN FANDOM, OUT OF MY INBOX, OUT OF MY SIGHT

YOU DON'T-- YOU DON'T PAIR YOUR OC UP WITH ANYBODY IN TTGL. THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN DO THAT RIGHT IS JADED, AND EVEN THAT WAS A SELF-INSERT, BUT IT FUCKING WORKED, AND I'M COOL WITH PAIRING YOUR GIRL UP WITH ROSSIU OR KITTAN - OR MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE LIKE THAT, RIGHT?

BUT YOU KEEP YOUR SUES AWAY FROM SIMON
w--WHAT? S-She meets him after he defeats Nia's Father? RIGHT AFTER HE KILLED NIA'S FATHER HE HAD A MOMENT WITH NIA. And don't get me wrong, because I do like Simon/Rossiu, so I'm not that serious when I talk About shipping SimonNia, BUT FUCKING STILL. THEY MEET AGAIN AFTER NIA DIES? YOUR PINK LITTLE BITCH IS NOT NIA'S REPLACEMENT. AND SHE'S NOT EVEN THE GOOD KIND OF PINK LITTLE BITCH (read: Jaded, who is the ONLY TTGL FC I have EVER seen and not HATED).

JIPSEKR:SPEKR:SE
i'm sorry i'm not crazy this just makes me so MAD[/center]

[haley.]

also,
i never realized how FULLY OPPOSED to tracing i was.
|:c
it's not my business to say anything, though.
but god.
no, i won't say anything. i won't.

[haley.]

What happened?
Did you finally realize what I was trying to get across to you or what? For that, I am happy, sure, but... What?
For a long time, you kind of brushed me off. You kind of trampled all over my feelings and I held my tongue because I thought it was making you happy. I didn't point out how I don't even like the pairing you wanted to share with me, I didn't point out how you being so buddy buddy with all these people was making me really fucking uncomfortable, I didn't say anything about how everyone was telling me to put my foot down and make you pay up for making me feel so inadequate, and I didn't say anything about me NOT taking that offer when I knew I probably should have.

I mean, You act like what goes around doesn't come around.
You know damn well how hard it is for me to keep calm and be mad, but you know how I feel about 'hinting' and making people feel bad. You do that a lot, you know that? You hint, you place a little seed of doubt, than you let it fester, so you can say all you did was say one little thing -- IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

Karma's a BITCH, OK? If you got to run around and be all happy-happy with your other friends, so do fucking I.

If you don't care if i do something or not, don't tell me it bothers you, because you know I care about you enough to NOT keep something up if it bothers you but GOOD GOD THAT PISSES ME OFF

Ugh.

I could say so much more. I won't

[haley.]

I knew you would say something like that.
Actually, I was kind of chanting and hoping that you wouldn't. I was hoping you'd brush it off but I still wanted to TELL you. Because I was going to post up the art and I... I didn't want you to say THAT.
God DAMN Ariel you're such a bitch.

You're so hypocritical and neurotic and EMOTIONAL and BITCHY and NEGATIVE. You talk about being so open-minded and special when in you're reality you're just like fucking everyone else on the internet. You don't have it bad, you don't have a sucky life, you don't have fucking PANIC ATTACKS you just freak out over little shit then TELL EVERYONE so they can sympathize and feel bad for you and so you can guilt trip them. I mean, yeah, I've called you and cried, but every single fucking time we talk it goes back into how BAD you're feeling and then start acting retarded and screaming into the phone to make a joke. You think you're so goddamn mature and you're NOT. When you see me with a pairing you don't like, you should NOT feel better than me because you don't like the pairing and you think I'm stupid for doing it.

I'm not RETARDED. I'm not STUPID, I'm not a fickle little girl. Don't be a dumbass. Yeah, I have phases, so does EVERYONE. But fuck you, I actually like Toothless/Hiccup, and I knew you'd think I was weird when you saw it in my gallery so I thought I'd just tell you, and you tell me "that's fucking stupid?" Could you not be a bitch for five seconds? I know you have it worse than I do, but that is not a reason to force your fucking negativity onto me. I have it bad enough with my Dad, my blood sugar, my inner struggles - the same inner struggles everyone else has-- The point is, I'm not your goddamn therapist, and I'm not your crutch, and I wish you would stop forcing all your problems onto me and forcing me to give you feedback like I actually GIVE A DAMN when I don't. You're my friend, but recently, I wouldn't care if we DID drift apart a little. You zap me of energy, you guilt-trip me a lot, you openly insult things I like when I NEVER do that to you, and you cry ALL THE GODDAMN TIME ABOUT THE STUPIDEST THINGS AND THEN ARE LIKE NO NO I'M SORRY, LIKE YOU'RE SO GODDAMN GIVING AND... UGH I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

FUCK YOU.

PS YOU ARE NOT A TROLL AND IT DOESN'T TAKE A GODDAMN GENIUS TO MOCK AND YOU'RE NOT PICKY ABOUT YOUR PAIRINGS YOU'RE JUST TOO SELF-CENTERED TO ACTUALLY THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX

MY AU'S ARE NOT UNCREATIVE, IT TAKES MORE CREATIVITY TO MAKE AN AU THAN MAKE THE SHIT YOU'VE WRITTEN

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA